Wednesday, January 4, 2012

revelations and resolutions

Happy New Year!

I don't know about you, but I'm so glad that a new year has started.  The last quarter or so of 2011 and I were not friends.  We fought a lot, and it usually won, leaving me a sad, broken weeping mess.  It made me think sad scary thoughts about the future, brought reunions that weren't necessarily joyful and stress...oh boy the stress.  It violently attempted to leave me on NYE, many hours before 2012 was ready to arrive.  As happy as we both seemed to be to end the relationship, 2011 wasn't going to go out without letting me know how happy it was to be rid of me (or, as it seemed, to rid itself from me {mind you, it's exit was not aided by alcohol - to my blog buddy who we rang the new year in with...that's why I kept disappearing!}).  Needless to say, the end of 2011 and I are like bitter exes, looking forward with hope that something better is just on the horizon.

I'm not so naive to believe that the mere change in the calendar date will mean new and better things.  2012 can be better, but at the same time, it can also be worse...a lot worse even.  While I can't change the things that might happen, what I can do, at the very least, is change my outlook on things.  That's where the revelations come, and the resolutions are made.  So, in an attempt to keep myself accountable, I wanted to share some of my revelations and resolutions for 2012 and beyond as a short series of posts.  So without further adieu:

I am not, will never be, won't ever in a million years come close to being perfect. 

I can't and won't be a perfect wife to my husband just as he will never be that to me.  Our marriage is not perfect.  My life has never been nor will it ever be perfect no matter how much I wish for it.  My resolution: let go.  I wanted so much to try to do everything and have everything turn out right that I would beat myself up for the smallest things.  Like if I didn't cook dinner every night.  Or if I didn't get the right type of screw when I went to the hardware store.  I literally would let small things like that make me feel bad about myself.  I mean, who does that?!  So, this year, after realizing this about myself and all my flaws and imperfections, I am resolving to let go.  I don't need to be a perfect person or wife, my marriage doesn't have to be perfect, nor does my life.  Because as imperfect as it all is, it's still good.  And I'd much rather hold on to good, than try to strive (and fail) for perfect.

What are your thoughts on the never-ending strive for perfection? Does perfect exist? Or is it just a word created to make us want for more than what we have?  What are some of your resolutions?  I'd love to hear your thoughts....oh...and it's good to be back



Anonymous said...

Here are my thoughts based on my personal experience struggling with perfectionism. A part of the psychology behind being a perfectionist is the need to control everything and frustration results when some things inevitably fall beyond your control. The frustration then leads to over-analyzation because you can't do anything to undo your "mistake" and thinking about it is doing something about it, if that makes sense. So it's good that you've decided to let go! :)

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