Thursday, June 2, 2011

of age and underwears

Yah...I'm going there.  Apologies in advance if you are reading this and are of the male persuasion.

Recently, I did a spring clean and purge of my underwear drawer because, well...

  • there is no reason whatsoever why I should still own some of the same pairs that I had in college {we're talking 9 years ago people}
  • you know those pretty, frilly, dare-I-say-it sexy little underthings that incredibly uncomfortable to wear because they're really only meant to be worn for about 10 minutes?  Well, yeah...what are you supposed to wear for the remaining 1430 minutes in a day {yes, I had to break out the calculator for that one}
  • I had waaaay too many pairs
  • and...my ass grew.  Period. End of story.

With my purge my collection grew ever so slightly smaller so I of course had to replenish {nulling and voiding bullet number 3 - I am completely aware of this}, and in my shopping trip I learned something about myself.  When I was in my 20's I was all about the type of underwear that Sisqo made a tribute song for...you know what I'm talking about..I won't sing it for fear of infecting you with an earwig.  I swore that they were comfortable and didn't mind the breeze when wearing a dress or skirt {which I already established that I wear often}.  Besides, something up your butt for hours on end is so totally worth it to save from the risk of VPL right?  Yah...sure

Now that I'm in my thirties I realized I don't like having things up my butt...let me pause here to allow for 'that's what she said' and other jokes of the like..okay, composure re-established.  So yeah, no more thongs for me thank.you.very.much.  Whoever it is that invented the boyshort...well holy hell {hmm oxymoron much} you are a genius!  I never before believed I could wear something that wasn't riding my crack {snicker} without it being obvious that I was wearing anything but a butt flosser.  And the best part is, they are still invisible in my yoga pants!  My ass thanks you, creator of the boyshort.

Then today, while purchasing some more of these fantastic things, I heard the voice of a woman who looked to be in her mid to late-40's ask one of the sales girls while holding up a pair of those 10 minute panties 'Do you have anything sluttier/sexier than these?'  Literally...sluttier or sexier is what she wanted.  Props to her, but um...I'm sensing a regression here.  Is it possible that in 10-15 years or so I will be that lady?  Should I have kept my 10 minute panties - I mean on the off chance that they would actually fit?  Does the life cycle of underwear really go from diapers to full coverage to thongs to something comfortable and cute then back down till you're in diapers again?!  

I'm seriously more than a little disturbed by this revelation....I think I need a corner to huddle and rock in.

{ cindie }

2 comments:

Layla said...

Hahaha, "butt floss." I'm still a fan of thongs, I just can't sleep in them. My lucky husband gets to have me come to bed in gigantor granny panties because those are my sleeping drawers. :P

jeweliette said...

I know what you mean. I bought alot of thongs in recent yrs (also lacy bras), wanting to be sexy for my bfs. But I just end up reaching for the same comfy VS cotton bikinis. =P

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